Well, let me tell you, this here astrology consulting is all the rage these days. Lots of folks are turning to the stars to figure things out. Me? I think it’s a load of hooey, but hey, who am I to judge? This whole world gone crazy anyway.
Stars and Stuff
They say them stars up there, they got something to do with our lives down here. Like, if you was born when the moon was hiding behind a cloud, you gonna be sneaky or something. If it is sunny, you gonna be happy. I don’t know. Sounds like a bunch of baloney to me, but people, they paying good money for this astrology consulting. They got these fellas, call themselves astrologers, they tell you all about it.
I heard one time, they was talking about how this here planet, Mercury, I think it was, it was doing a dance backwards in the sky. They call it retrograde, I guess. And that was supposed to make everything go haywire. Your phone might break, your car might not start, and your neighbor might start yapping more than usual. All because that darn planet is doin’ a jig in the sky. It’s all mumbo jumbo to me. My phone always break, no need the stars to explain it.
People Pay for This?
These astrologers, they got all sorts of fancy charts and things. They look at where the stars was when you was born, and they tell you what kind of person you are. They say, “Oh, you’re a Leo, you’re a strong leader.” Or “You’re a Pisces, you’re a dreamer.” I am a dreamer alright, I dream of winning the lottery, not about some fish in the sky. I don’t even know what a Pisces is, sounds fishy to me.
- They say they can tell you about your love life.
- They say they can tell you about your money.
- They say they can tell you about your health.
They tell you everything, if you are willing to pay. And people is paying. I saw one of them astrology consulting fellas on the TV the other day, he was wearing a fancy suit and everything. Must be making a killing, telling people what the stars say. He said he can tell when you will find true love, just by the stars. I found my true love in a chicken coop, no stars needed for that!
Doing it Online Now
Now, you don’t even have to go see these folks in person. They got it all online now. You just type in your birthday and your time you was born, if you know it, and bam! They tell you all about yourself. Some of them even do it for free, just to get you hooked, I reckon. They even do it on the phone, on WhatsApp or something, I heard. They said you can talk to real astrologer. I wonder if they really know the stars or they just know how to talk.
I saw one site, they said they’d give you a free reading. Just answer a few questions, they said, and they’d tell you all about your destiny. They even said they using all kinds of data. I don’t know what kind of data stars have, maybe stardust data. I didn’t do it, though. Don’t need no computer telling me about my life. I’d rather read the tea leaves, at least you get a nice cup of tea out of it. They can tell you about your marriage, your work, your business, your child. I raised five kids, no astrologer needed for that, just lots of patience and yelling.
Is it Real or Fake?
Some folks swear by this astrology consulting. They say it’s helped them make big decisions, like whether to buy a new cow or when to plant the corn. Others, like me, they think it’s all a bunch of hogwash. How can them little dots of light in the sky know what’s going to happen to me down here on Earth?
There’s some saying that it’s all fake, those online astrologers. That those people don’t really know about stars, just know about scamming people. I guess there’s always someone trying to make a quick buck. But then again, some people say some of them are real, they truly can see the stars. I don’t know what to believe anymore.
I heard they use some kind of calculation, based on where the sun, the moon, and some planets are. They said they even use real observation of the sky. That sounds serious. I only know the sun is for growing my tomatoes, and the moon is for the werewolves. I guess some old folks only knew a few planets, like Mercury, Venus. Maybe they knew something we don’t.
Waste of Money?
I guess if it makes you feel good, then it ain’t hurting nobody. But I wouldn’t spend my hard-earned money on it. I’d rather buy a new pair of shoes or a nice piece of pie. Something real, you know? Something you can touch and feel. Not some hocus pocus about the stars. But that’s just me. Maybe those stars are telling people something. Maybe I’m just too old and set in my ways to understand it. This astrology consulting is too much for me to understand. All I know is, the sun comes up, the sun goes down, and the rooster crows in the morning. That’s all the astrology I need. I hope people don’t waste too much money on it.
